Final Blog Post!

Good evening! My name is Carson Roach-Howell, and I have now officially finished FST 302 Experimental. The following are my thoughts on the matter:

I am more of a leader than I previously thought. I always knew I was a control freak/very particular, but this semester, compounding on leading Reel Teal last year and with my personal projects outside of class as well, I discovered that I am a leader in spirit. It's something I feel as though I have always rejected with trepidation and maybe a bit of humility. Why would I be a leader? I don't crave power or respect, I don't think. Or at least I try not to. But still I feel that I am one, that I become one sometimes against my will.

Is it because I am self obsessed? Is it because I think I know better than others? Do I think i'm more qualified, or more talented, or more driven? 

Or maybe it is just my role. It is just my personality and I should embrace it. Maybe it exists separately of my ego and my insecurities. Maybe I should accept it.

Not sure yet.

Another thing I learned: I am a lot more experimental in all that I do than I previously thought. I remember coming into film school being afraid of becoming pretentious -- being afraid that I would become so self-absorbed in my little film bubble that I would stop speaking English and start speaking pure pretension. 

But in the past three years I think that I've found the exact opposite to be true of experimental film. In many ways, experimental film (at its best) is the most pure, playful and unassuming type of film. Simply creating based on an idea, a whim or a concept seems to free me from ideas of "deeper" meaning and symbolism and bring more into the realm of the concrete, the experiential. 

Though writing about my work in the class still ends up sounding pretentious sometimes.

Over all I am so glad I took this class over narrative or documentary, I think it offered me opportunities I could not find on my own time (like shooting on Super 8 film) and helped me to grow as a filmmaker in exactly the right direction.

Cheers!

Carson Roach-Howell

Installation Musings

It is interesting to be involved in our installation in a more supporting role.

The paranoid leader in me wants to take the reins of the project and make sure that everything gets done correctly and in an organized fashion.

The apathetic sloth in me wants to let everyone else take up the responsibility and stress of the project, while I slump back and slack off.

The pragmatist in me hopes that I end up falling somewhere in the middle.

I definitely like our idea of exploring sensations through taste, feeling, sight and sound; I am just concerned that the different elements of the project will not come together in a harmonious way.

I am trying my best to let go of that fear and to just be relaxed and excited to share cool things with my class/the world. Enjoy the art or whatever. I think I can confidently say that our group has cool things. Heck, I’m going to and list cool things right now.

1)     Wolfe’s improvisational music – It sounds good and it sounds different every time, pretty cool I’d say.

2)     Fire-breathers – Do I really need to explain why this one is cool?

3)     Laser lights (with fog) – We tried this in Wolfe’s house the other day and it’s cool for sure.

4)     After Effects Animations – They’re all fractally and mesmerizing.

5)     Candy – I like candy. Candy tastes good.

So yeah. We have all of these cool things. I just hope that all of the cool things come together and become a cooler thing – something even cooler than the sum of its cool parts.

My own responsibilities of owning a fog machine and creating animations has been challenging for sure. I basically agreed to create those animations before I had any idea if I could actually do them. But so far my risk seems to be working out. I guess we’ll have to wait and see!